Q: So, what’s the best queer movie?
A: Quality is subjective. Whatcha looking for?
Q: Okay, what’s the best queer movie that is fluffy and sweet and acknowledges tough queer realities but lets the characters get past that shit and be happy?
A: That movie would be Breakfast With Scot (2007), about a closeted former pro hockey player and his partner getting stuck taking care of an effeminate little boy they have no idea how to handle.
Q: What if I’m looking for something about connections and community and people looking past their differences to unapologetically and unrelentingly build each other up?
A: The queer movie you want is Pride (2014), the true story of a group of queer activists raising money to support the 1985 UK miners’ strike.
Q: What if I like having my heart dug out of my chest with an ice cream scoop and stomped on?
A: Get ready to be devastated by Undertow (2009), a beautiful Peruvian movie about a fisherman and a ghost.
Q: What if I want something historical and feminist and character-oriented?
A: You’re gonna love The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister (2010), a biopic about a badass 19th century lady from Yorkshire who refused to let anybody shame her out of living, dressing, and fucking as she damn well pleased.
Q: What if I’m really into pretentious literary references and witticisms?
A: Then the best queer movie for you is The History Boys (2006), about snarky British teenagers trying to get into prestigious colleges.
Q: What if I want these kids off my damn lawn?
A: Then you should watch Cloudburst (2012), about an old lady breaking her longtime partner out of a nursing home and taking off on a road trip to Canada to get married.
Q: What if all I want from life is to watch French teenage boys beat each other up in between eyefucking across the room as the sublimely executed sexual tension causes my skull to explode?
A: What a ridiculously specific request I have been presented by this fake entity that definitely does not represent my deepest psyche! Buddy my bro, you want Being 17 (2016) and you want it now.
Q: What if I want content warnings/more detailed summaries/additional recs organized by theme/occasional tangents about queer identities, fiction, and tropes in queer film?
A: Follow this tumblr and stay tuned! I have a spreadsheet of about 500 queer movies, 236 of which I have watched, and I am all set to share the wealth.