Splintered Winter Live Blogs TV*: DC Universe’s Titans, Season 1 Episode 1

* This is a randomness. I often compare things to burritos. Once I ate a doodlebug. This will be neither consistent nor thorough.

It’s already nicely dark. Good going DC! The light is so not there you can barely see the screen, and Raven’s face looks like a marshmallow. You can already tell something terrible is going to happen.

Wonder Woman was a one-off. Frank Miller created the Dark Knight, it was a hit, and we were all doomed.

Tights! Everyone’s in tights! Who doesn’t love tights combined with dark foreboding music? Certainly not me! Especially when those tights are falling to the ground in a bone-crunching crash!

Raven screams a lot and her mother wears a really bad wig.

Nightwing gets some funky fight music.

It’s like you’re in a video game boss fight.
He’s listening to vinyl in his industrial loft apartment. He’s a secret hipster.

It goes nicely with Raven’s baby goth look.

Raven’s look doesn’t work for her age or circumstance or anything. It’s more runway then runaway.

Ooh, upbeat disco music!
It’s Starfire!

And some blood!

Ooh, she’s pretty.
And she deserves this disco song.

She successfully hid in scrub woods with bright pink (red?) hair! That’s a superpower!

Kory Anders is her name. Is it a joke?
She likes herbs and spices.

Oh my burrito, she speaks German, Russian, and just glassed a random dude she found in her closet. My bisexual heart is a-thumping.

Man, Raven has a tough life. Sucks to be her. Dick Grayson feels guilty for acting like Batman With the Anger Management Issues, so he’ll rescue her.

And Starfire with the disco again! Every song is her theme song, so long as it has a banging beat and flashing lights!

Starfire faces off the scary Russia mafia types. She might not know who she is right now, but she’s definitely fabulous! She’s wearing sequins!

My long lost lust for the 70s has revived, apparently.

I’ve added ‘Grayson,’ ‘Starfire,’ and ‘Nightwing’ to my browser dictionary because obviously I’ll be using them a lot in future.

OOPS. Russian mafia dude was her lover and she betrayed him for Raven. WHO KNEW. Starfire didn’t. He loves her. She doesn’t love him. He’s hurt, verra verra hurt. Deep in his soul. He wishes to patch his soul with a bullet in Starfire’s heart.

And. 

I admit to not being familiar with Starfire as a character before. Apparently her superpower is to be a combination grenade/flamethrower. In a fabulous disco glowing fashion. It’s 9am and after I’m finished with this I’m going to be hunting for Starfire fanart. I shall ask of the Tumblr and I shall receive.

Back to Raven. Dark room, candles, bondage, knives, dire man with cryptic words. Poor Raven. She is fecund and damned.  Her life is really NOT going well.

Nightwing and his tight butt have arrived! Huzzah!

Raven just went full-on Exorcist on dire man. Oh dude. Nasty.

Nightwing and his butt weren’t needed.

Now he’s being hugged by a traumatized 13-year old girl and it’s the toughest things he’s ever faced. EMOTIONS. TEARS. AUGH.

Beast Boy is green.

The end.

(I failed to deliver on the burritos. That is because very few people in this show are soft and round.)

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