Thor thinks Cap’s shield works like his hammer, and is proud that he can lift it.
Yes. Accepted. Yes.
bucky loves reading REALLY trashy romance novels in the 21st century. please just imagine him in some winter soldier-esque getup, all leathered-up with a huge gun strapped to his back in the quinjet on the way to whatever bad guy needs ass-kicking, reading a book with a half naked woman swooning into a buff man’s arms on the cover. the buff man bears a passing resemblance to steve. bucky murder-stares anyone who questions him or looks at him too long
no one can say shit because he’ll threaten to read it aloud over comms if they make fun of him
My favorite Ragnarok headcanon is that the entire movie is a story Thor is telling the audience. That’s why it opens with a monologue, that’s also the reason of the sudden tone shift into comedy and that’s why despite all the horrible things that happen, it’s so endlessly optimistic. The real events that transpired were probably very similar, just much, much darker.
This really explains so much, like how characters like Loki and Hulk, and Thor himself, are so different from the other films- because we’re seeing them through Thor’s eyes. The dialogue is different as well, much more casual and shorthand with use of slang in place of the typical Shakespearean lines, because Thor is paraphrasing in his retelling of the events. I like to imagine that Thor’s audience is actually the asgardians on the ark at the end of the film, mostly families and children, so he’s ramping up the goofiness and drama (you are now meeting the grandmaster, please dont cut my hair, get help), using childish humor (the naked hulk), and poking fun at everything (surtur’s big eyebrow). They were all just extremely traumatized, so Thor is taking care of his people in the only way he currently can- taking comedy theatre tips from loki.
Headcanon accept so much I’m probably gonna forget it’s not canon
Tony is mad because people think that for some odd reason he can’t lift for shit. They fail to see that the Iron Man suit is far heavier than it looks, you need insane core muscles to maneuver it, and Tony knows what the hell he’s doing.
So when a reporter insinuates that Tony is the weak one, Tony nearly picks Steve up one-handed.
“Oh, you mean this type of weak?” He asks, deadpan.
(It should be mentioned that Steve enjoyed it. A bit too much, but no one had to know that besides Tony, who bitches about Steve wanting lifts all the time.)
all Bucky wanted to do was get some more tea and now this. Thanks a lot, Sam. You had to fuckin’ tell him, you ass.
Aggressively Progressive Steve Rogers is so what I’m here for.
STeve would unleash and be all “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WHOOPING COUGH SUCKS?! DO YOU?! DO YOU REALLY?! ARE YOU FUCKIN’ STUPID?! BUCKY, TELL THEM HOW I BROKE TWO RIBS! TELL THEM!”
Omg, new headcanon, Beleaguered Bucky Barnes being grabbed by the shoulders and practically lifted into camera view by Steve shouting about how Bucky needs to confirm some terrible illness because no one else is alive form that time to corroborate any of Steve’s claims. Bucky shyly telling the reporters that yes, Steve did indeed have that thing adn yeah it is dangerous and Steve jumping back into frame like “I told you! I TOLD YOU IT SUCKED SHUT UP JENNY MCCARTHY!”
“AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?! POLIO!”
“Steve you never had fucking polio-”
“YEA BUT IT STILL SUCKED! KNOW WHAT STOPPED IT?! VACCINES!”
“Oh my God, Steve.”
“I DIDN’T EVNENKNOW WHAT THAT SHOT WOULD DO TO ME BUT I TOOK IT!”
“Steve, that’s… That’s not really a good argument.”
“I DON’T CARE FOX NEWS NEEDS TO STOP USING MY IMAGE!”
“Steve, doll, calm down.”
“I VOTED FOR OBAMA!”
I love everything about this post
And all the while Sam is just laughing his fucking ass off and Bucky is wondering if he could just go take another nap for a few years.
Okay but imagine the savvy pediatrician who shyly sends Steve a message at Avengers Tower. She loves his message. Loves it. Wants to know if she can give her vaccinated kids a sticker of the shield because she wants other parents to subtly get the message, and of course what kid doesn’t love Cap? She’s no graphic artist, but she got a picture of the shield off the Internet …
… two weeks later, a box arrives at her office. It’s an order of shield stickers, very clearly actually produced by a graphic artist. Some of them sparkle, some are metallic, and some of them say “Protecting my friends by protecting me!” for the older kids who can appreciate the idiocy of the anti-vax movement.
There’s also a hand-written note with Pepper’s personal address at Avengers Tower listed on it: Contact us when you need more. No charge. Keep fighting the good fight.
They end up going on sale after the pediatrician’s colleagues see them and want to pass them out. Steve insists that any profit they might make should go to the March of Dimes. Tony and Pepper barely talk about it before they go “do you know how little it costs to produce stickers, Steve?” and decide to donate the entire sales cost. They’re not expensive to sell, either, but it adds up.
Vaccination rate goes up. Being an anti-vaxxer stops being trendy and starts being seen as living in the dark ages.
Steve Rogers, everyone.
It got better.
This started out great and *kept getting better*.
The post I wanna reply to is gone, but it’s possible that Steve had polio and didn’t know it! Most cases are actually not severe/paralytic and many children recover completely, but post-polio syndrome could partly account for his trouble with muscle mass and easy fatigability years later.
I will always repost this.
Loki: *brings Thanos’ corpse to the Avengers*
Everyone: Holy shit, how’d you do it?
Loki: I turned myself into an infinity stone because I know Thanos loves infinity stones, so he went to pick it up to admire it
Loki: And then I transformed back into myself and I was like, ‘mblergh, it’s me!’ and stabbed him
Thor: That’s even better than my “get help” plan, brother
OKAY THIS IS CANON. I’M SKIPPING THE MOVIE.
TAG UR SPOILERS
I wonder if, in superhero universes, the villains ever get contacted by those “Make a Wish Foundation” and similar people.
I mean, the heroes do, of course they do, kids who want to meet Spiderman or Superman or get to be carried by the Flash as he runs through Central City for just thirty seconds.
But surely there are also the kids, who – because they are kids and sometimes kids are just weird – decide that what they really, really want is to meet a supervillain. Because he’s scary or she’s awesome or that freeze ray is just really, really cool, you know?
Oh, man, that would absolutely be a thing. The heroes would be so weirded out by it. The villains with codes of ethics would totally band together to force the villains without one (should they be the one requested) to do their part for the cause.
But imagine the person who has to track down the villains and organise everything?
Like, the first time it happens, no one actually thinks it’s possible, but one of the newbies volunteers to at least try. They get lucky, the kid wants to meet one of the villains who is well known to have a personal code of ethics (eg one of the rogues), and it takes them weeks to track the villain down to this one bar they’ve been seen at a few times, plus a week of staking out said bar, but they finally find them.
So they approach the villain, very politely introduce themselves and explain the situation, finishing with an assurance that, should the villain agree, no law enforcement or heroes will be informed of the meeting.
The villain, assuming it’s a joke, laughs in their face.
At this point, the poor volunteer, who has giving up weeks of their time and no small amount of effort to track down this villain, all so a sweet little girl can meet the person who somehow inspired them, well, at this point the employee sees red.
They explode, yelling at this villain about the little girl who, for some unknown reason, absolutely loved them, had a hand-made stuffed toy of them and was inspired by their struggle to keeping fighting her own and wasn’t the villain supposed to have ethics? The entire bar is witness to this big bad villain getting scolded by some bookish nobody a foot shorter than them.
When the volunteer is done, the villain calmly knocks back their drink, grips the volunteers shoulder and drags them outside. The bar’s patrons assume that person will never be seen again, the volunteer included. But once they’re outside, the villain apologises for their assumption, asks for the kid’s details so they can drop by in the near future, not saying when for obvious reasons. They also give the very relieved volunteer a phone number to call if someone asks for them again.
A week later, the little girl’s room is covered in villain merchandise, several expensive and clearly stolen gifts and she is happily clutching a stack of signed polaroids of her and the villain.
The next time a kid asks to meet a villain, guess who gets that assignment?
Turns out, the first villain was quite touched by the experience of meeting their little fan, and word has gotten around. The second villain happily agrees when they realise it’s the same volunteer who asked the other guy. Unfortunately, one of the heroes sees the villain entering the kid’s hospital and obviously assumes the worst. They rush in, ready to drag the villain out, but the volunteer stands in their way. The hero spends five minutes getting scolded for trying to stop the villain from actually doing a good thing and almost ruining the kid’s wish. The volunteer gets a reputation among villains as someone who can not only be trusted with personal contact numbers but who will do everything they can to keep law enforcement away during their visits.
The volunteer has a phonebook written in cypher of all the villain’s phone numbers, with asterixes next to the ones to call if any other villains give them trouble.
Around the office, they gain the unofficial job title of The Villain Wrangler.
The heroes are genuinely flabbergasted by The Villain Wrangler. At first, some of the heroes try to reason with them.
Heroes: “Can’t you, just, give us their contact details? They’ll never even have to know it was you.”
The Villain Wrangler: “Yeah sure, <rollseyes> because all these evil geniuses could never possibly figure out that it’s me who happens to be the common thread in the sudden mass arrests. Look man, even if it wouldn’t get me killed, it would disappoint the kids. You wouldn’t want to disappoint the kids would you?”
Heroes: “… no~ but…”
The Villain Wrangler: “Exactly.”
Eventually, one of the anti-hero types gets frustrated, and decides to take a stand. They kidnap the Villain Wrangler and demand that they give up the contents of the little black book of Villains, or suffer the consequences. It’s For the Greater Good, the anti-hero insists as they tie the Villain Wrangler to a pillar.
The Villain Wrangler: “You complete idiot, put me back before someone figures out that I’m missing.”
Anti-hero: “…excuse me?”
The Villain Wrangler: “Ugh, do I have to spell this out for you? Do you actually want your secret base to be wiped off the map? With us in it? Sugarsticks, how long has it been? If they get suspicious, they check in, and then if I miss a check-in, they tend to come barging into wherever I am just to prove that they can, even if they figure out that they’re not being threatened by proxy. Suffice to say, Auntie Muriel really regretted throwing my phone into the pool when she strenuously objected to me answering it during family time. If they think for even one moment that I’ve given them up, they won’t hesitate to obliterate both of us from their potential misery. You do know some of the people in my book have like missiles and djinni and elemental forces at their disposal, right?”
Anti-hero: “Wait, what? I thought they trusted you?!”
The Villain Wrangler: “Trust is such a strong word!”
Anti-hero: “Wait, wha-” <slumps over, dart sticking out of neck>
The Villain Wrangler: “Thanks. I thought they were going to hurt me.”
Villain: “You did well. You kept them distracted, and gave us time to follow your signal.” <cuts Villain Wrangler free>
The Villain Wrangler: <rubbing circulation back into limbs> “Yeah well, you know me, I do whatever I have to. So I’ll see you Wednesday at four at St Martha’s? I’ve got an 8yo burns unit patient recovering from her latest batch of skin grafts who could really use a pep talk.”
Villain: “… of course. Yes… I… yes.”
The Villain Wrangler: “I just think you could really reach her, you know?”
Villain: <unconsciously runs fingers over mask> “I… yes, but, what should I say?”
The Villain Wrangler: “Whatever advice you think you could have used the most just after.”
Villain: <hoists Anti-hero over shoulder almost absently> “….yes.”
The Villain Wrangler wasn’t lying to the Anti-hero. They know that the more ruthless villains would not hesitate if they thought for one second that the Anti-hero would betray them.
But this is not the first time the Villain Wrangler has gone to extreme lengths to protect their identities.
Trust is a strong word. The Villain Wrangler earned it, and is terrified by what it could mean.
My first official deadpool headcanon is this. This this this.
Okay but this whole concept actually makes a lot of sense, because villains are a lot more likely to be disfigured/disabled/use adaptive devices (bc ableist tropes), so of course, say, a child amputee is going to be more interested in the villain with a robot arm who almost destroyed New York than the heroes that took him down.
Also, imagine one of the kids gets better, and a few years down the line becomes a villain themself, except their crimes are things like smuggling chemo drugs across the border for families that can’t afford treatment, or stealing from corrupt businessmen to make donations to underfunded hospitals (idk this turned into a Leverage AU or something) and every time the heroes encounter her, they’re like “oh no. she’s getting away. curses. welp, nothing we can do.” Though it isn’t that she can’t take them on; bc of course once the villain from way back when found out what she was up to, he started helping/training her.
“I thought they just hired someone to dress up and pretend to be you,” she says, amazed, when he reveals himself. “I didn’t think they actually got the real you!”
Every year the Villain Wrangler gets a very expensive gift basket from the pair.
and for the kids who don’t get better the villains are there too, they show up to every funeral, they bear too small coffins on their shoulders and the heroes stand aside
they are fierce with grieving families assuring them that their child will not be forgotten, and they don’t balk at negative emotions, they don’t tell people to be strong or “celebrate their child’s life,” because these parents have every right to their grief and anger
and the lost children are never forgotten. flowers appear on graves during birthdays and anniversaries, heroes find pictures of those kids and they carefully take them down and ensure they’re delivered to the villain’s cell, and a few villains can be seen with friendship bracelets wrapped around their wrists the cops have learned not to try and take them off
This is all soooo good, but I wonder what effect this has on the villains. Like, can they really wreak indiscriminate havoc when they know the kids that worship them might be in the area? Like, what if they attack a shopping mall and it just so happens that Annie’s mom ran in for a pair of shoes or something? What then?
So what you’re saying is that there is now an organization of henchmen who do round the clock, exhaustive research in order to make sure the villain’s plan isn’t going to ruin the life of some kid. Just imagine some aunt getting a call from an unlisted number.
“I swear I am not a bill collector ma’am. It’s just. Well. Ok and I swear I am not a stalker even if this is actually going to be a very creepy phone call, but you said you were going to the mall at four? Is it possible you could reschedule or postpone that trip for about an hour? That mall is way too close to…well. It just wouldn’t be safe. I could wire you some money, and you could go to the much nicer mall one town over? Would that work for you? No? You are calling the police? Yes. Yes that is the sensible thing to do. Definitely do that. You have a nice day, ma’am. Tell Marcus Doctor Evil says hello and to have a nice day.”
And then the poor minion has to call the villain and explain why robbing X bank isn’t a good idea that day.
“Yes. Hello. Sir? Oh good I caught you before you left the base. Look, Marcus Smithson’s aunt is going to be near the blast radius for that job you have scheduled so-yes. Yes I am aware that rescheduling is going to be a lot of work since most everything is already set up, but….but, sir think about poor Marcus! She’s his favorite aunt, and the woman refused to ‘reorder her life around some crazy mastermind’. ……no…..no, please do not kidnap the aunt, sir. It’s terribly rude. Yes I realize you weren’t going to keep her or doing anything other than drop her off at an alternative location, but, well, citizens frown upon that sort of thing and….yes….Yes, of course. You have a good day, too, sir.”
And they turn to their coworker and are just like “So if I don’t come in to work tomorrow it’s because Doctor Evil threw me in his dungeon and/or sent his hellhounds to maul me. Please remember to send help.”
But but but… what happens when one falls through the cracks? When Lord Dominion or whatever does a typical baddie thing but then Penny’s new best friend gets caught up in the damage and Lord D didn’t even KNOW Penny had a new bestie so how was he to know but now the kid is devastated and it’s all his fault? I mean, how does that even shake out?
Penny SWEARS REVENGE! Lord D is distraught but also somewhat proud. He sends Penny a very sincere apology and also a bunch of tips on how to execute a proper vengeance plot, in case she decides not to accept the apology. He sends henchmen to spy on her, and he keeps the surveillance photos of her sitting in her room, plans and schematics strewn all over her desk. He puts them in his wallet and brags to all his villain friends that one of his kids is taking up scheming, look at her go, she’s already started on pattern analysis of his latest heists. He’s so proud. Later this month he’ll show up on her way home from school so she can have her first Confrontation.
omg yes. Yes to all of that. There will inevitably be mistakes and tragedies.
Penny is an intelligent kid. She catches on to the spying henchmen pretty quick and bribes some of them to her side with snacks. That first confrontation does not go like Lord Dominion expected because Penny has minions (minions that are using his OWN WEAPONS against him, even)
Lord Dominion is the proudest villain ever, even if he did almost lose an ear thanks to the impeccable aim of a nine year old with a grudge. He does let the laser blast graze him just so he can have a scar to show people because that girl is a villain after his own heart.
He doesn’t want to ask his villain rivals to help her out because that would imply he doesn’t think she’s capable of eventually growing strong enough to kick his ass. Turns out Penny already thought of that and has mailed letters asking for advice to Lady Sinister, Lord Dominion’s long time, mostly friendly rival. (She mailed a letter to Lord D’s arch nemesis, but man. Heroes are always trying to make you do The Right Thing. Penny doesn’t have time for the high road. Plus, the low road has lasers.)
Lady Sinister thinks Penny is the best thing ever and while she has mostly stopped kicking Lord D’s ass, she still breaks into his hideout to sit in his favorite chair with a glass of wine and brags about her new favorite up and coming villainess. (She doesn’t warn Lord D about the attack rabbits she agreed to train for Penny as a favor, and for obvious reasons, she is going to be a bystander at the next confrontation, filming everything on her phone to post the dark web so all their villain friends can see this)
@deadcatwithaflamethrower – there is more. Took me a moment to find where I’d reblogged it, though.
THERE IS MOAR.
Steve needs to have a Swear Jar and every time someone says a profanity in front of him, he just holds it out. The especially bad ones cost two dollars, don’t think Steve will let you get away with that. And this goes on for months and months and when Bucky starts coming around, he notices it. And he also notices how Steve doesn’t swear in front of any of the Avengers.
And when he gets Steve alone, he’s like, “what gives, you’ve got the worst mouth out of anyone I know.”
And Steve, with a perfectly innocent expression, says, “they made assumptions, Buck. I think those assumptions should at least buy a new bike, don’t you?”
And Bucky just stares at him, awed, like, “I forgot how fucking devious you are.”
Bucky notices the coin-filled jar right away, of course.
Or, jars, more accurately. There seems to be one in every room, never more than a quick lunge from wherever Steve happens to be standing. They’re not labeled, but their purpose becomes obvious within moments on his first visit to the tower.
The avengers swear. A lot. And Steve- well.
Steve is always ready with a jar.
Bucky knows there was actual conversation happening that day, but really all he remembers is a litany of expletives and subsequent reprimands.
“The jar, Barton.”
“And then the bastard tried to-”
“That’s a quarter, Miss Maximoff.”
“This son of a bi-”
“It was a great battle against the Helspawn!”
“One of those quarters Miss Lewis gave you, please.”
“You misunderstand, Hel is a person, not a curse.”
“…Carry on, then.”
He doesn’t bring it up that day, even though he has so many questions.
He doesn’t even bring it up the second or third time he visits, by which point Barton has taken to carrying a roll of quarters everywhere and flipping them- without looking- into the jar before Steve can say anything.
Romanoff has declared that if she can make it out of the room before Steve reaches the jar, she doesn’t have to pay. He’s only caught her once.
Even JARVIS is in on it, electronically transferring from Stark’s accounts when the man refuses to carry actual money. The look on Stark’s face is probably the funniest thing Bucky has ever seen.
It doesn’t really register until about a month later, but.
Steve never curses in front of his team. That’s what finally pushes him to ask about it.
Well, that and Steve charging Tony five dollars for shouting “FUCKING CHRIST ON A POGO STICK!”
“I’ve heard you say worse things on the way to Church, what gives?”
And Steve just starts laughing.
“Assumptions were made. I didn’t correct them,” Steve says after his- frankly gleeful- cackling subsides.
“Besides, I’m only two hundred bucks away from that bike I wanted now.”
Bucky has always loved the devious little punk.
I have realized that Steve Rogers would have gone into the ice after The Hobbit was printed but before The Lord of the Rings was released and now all I want is him finding out about The Lord of the Rings and being so excited because “Wait, you mean there’s a sequel?!”
please please please just imagine the following:
- Steve reads The Hobbit in the 30s/40s. Maybe Bucky saves up and buys it for him one year for his birthday. Maybe he picks up a copy while on the USO tour. Maybe Peggy lends it to him.
- He reads it. He loves it. He goes into the ice.
- He wakes up and rereading it crosses his mind but “It’s an old book now, no one’s probably heard of it.” and there are so many new things to read that it gets pushed aside.
- (Or maybe he knows that they’re making The Hobbit into a movie and he’s so happy about that but he doesn’t really read into it, you know? It’s going to be a movie, that’s good enough for him. He doesn’t watch interviews, he doesn’t read articles- he hears about The Lord of the Rings, of course, but no one ever makes the connection for him.)
- (“I’ll reread The Hobbit before the movies come out,” but there’s still so many new things that it still gets pushed aside.)
- Someone (Nat or Sam, in a hotel somewhere while they’re looking for Bucky, or Bruce in the Tower, or whoever) flips through channels and puts on The Lord of the Rings movies and Steve is only half paying attention. Maybe he’s sketching. Maybe he’s reading reports. Who knows.
- Then he hears “hobbits” and it catches his attention because wait, is that…? But this isn’t The Hobbit, he doesn’t know this story, but he’s invested now and he’s watching a little bit more.
- Gandalf appears, and Bilbo, and wait he definitely knows these characters what’s going on, what’s happening here, what story is this?
- “Well, yeah, it’s The Lord of the Rings, it’s the sequel to The Hobbit-”
- “He wrote a sequel? There’s a sequel!?”
- “…there’s technically a prequel too, mostly put together by his son, but-”
- “HOW MANY MORE BOOKS ARE THERE?”
- “…three in The Lord of the Rings, plus the Silmarillion, and a lot of history/meta stuff too…”
- “I WANT TO READ THEM ALL.”
- Steve does read them all.
- (There’s a moment of loud indignation when he reads about the riddle game because “It didn’t happen like that!” He has to have the changes explained, and then it’s the funniest thing in the world to him.)
- Please just imagine Steve Rogers in his office at the compound with a tiny book shelf that’s just full of copies of all of Tolkien’s works. And tucked in a corner is a first-edition copy of The Hobbit that Tony bought for him, and Steve knows that it has to be ridiculously expensive but he dosen’t care, because it’s almost exactly like the copy he used to have. And even though he knows he probably shouldn’t handle it too much, sometimes he picks it up and rereads the riddle game scene. (The original is still better, in his opinion.)
But please also imagine Steve reading, specifically, The Return of the King.
Steve reading about Frodo and Sam nearly dying on the slopes of Mount Doom, saving the world by the skin of their teeth, and it’s exactly the epic fantasy ending he was expecting. Aragorn marries Arwen, and the hobbits are heroes, and everything is right in the world.
And then they go back to the Shire.
They go through literal war, and they try to go home… but it’s not home. It’s been ravaged by the war, by technology, and “in your heart you begin to understand: there is no going back.”
And Frodo sails. Frodo sails, and even though you know that Sam still has Merry and Pippin, look at what he’s lost. He lost Frodo, he lost Gandalf, he lost the innocence of the Shire. And Sam is left behind, left to return home to his wife and family alone, and its an awful, terrible moment, that moment when you’re confronted with the reality that “We set out to save the Shire, Sam. And it has been saved, but not for me,” that winning the war can mean losing in other ways, that sometimes you don’t get your happy ending-
But that’s not the ending you’re left with. Because the last line of the book is “Well, I’m back.” and Steve, sitting in his apartment, surrounding by a future that never expected to see, that he understands and embraces but still sometimes doesn’t feel like his own world- Steve sits back, and sets the book down, and innately understands Sam’s feeling of pushing forward and finding happiness even in the light of a great personal loss. Steve has literally lived through his own Scouring of the Shire, has tried to go home only to realize that there is no going back, Steve would have every reason in the world to be Frodo and to decide to step back and find his own peace because damnit, he deserves that.
But Steve isn’t Frodo, Steve is Sam, Steve is the stouthearted and steadfast and he keeps moving forward, because he gets home and doesn’t just see the broken edges of the world- he also sees the pieces that got put back together. He sees everything he survived, and everything that the people around him survived, and when he finishes reading that book and sets it down he looks around his apartment and realizes for the first time that he’s finally managed to come home again.
Guys, this is pretty much canon!! There’s an old comics panel (I’m pretty sure @jayleeg has posted it) that shows Steve reading Lord of the Rings!!! And saying he loves Tolkien.
Yup, that was Avengers #46 by
And to add more food to the fodder, from Cap #255 by Roger Stern…
Steve Rogers is a big ol’ geek, just like the rest of us. 😉